Happy Birthday Sherrice
Previously published July 2019…
It’s the eve of my birthday & “my” New Year. In homage to the privilege of another year around the sun, it is time for reflection, creativity and preparation for what is next on this poetic journey. I enter ‘my’ new year with the theme words of ‘curiosity & awareness’. They fit beautifully with where I have been and where I am going.
The past year brought me wonder, amazement, it took my breath away in beautiful surrender, my head was brought to the floor, I questioned purpose and I created definite boundaries of discernment. This will be one of those years I remember as I sip tea on my porch, looking at my wrinkled hands remembering the woman I was before time took all the voluptuous parts of me.
This year my husband, lover, father of my child and soul partner for this life battled Hodgkins Lymphoma. It was a beautiful exercise in humility, patience and schedule management (for me). For him, it was a battle, a decision and an act of courage. We cried at the beginning and we cried at the end. We did not cry in between, we just did cancer and life the best we could. When it was over we started to remember our rhythm and get back to our life, we are still finding our footing in this recovery. Jason went away to celebrate with his friends. Siome and I put on music and danced in the art studio. We did not dance for an entire seven months while we were standing witness to our man’s fight. When we danced we remembered to process the pain and let it stop welling inside of our tummies and hips. I cried hard, she wept in my arms and we laughed really hard. I’m thrilled to report dancing in the kitchen has returned to the Kirby house.
My simple recommendations for going through a shit storm of hell:
-Say yes to all the help that is offered.
-Text your friends, give them updates, they will show up with food & wine
-Do your best to keep moving, whatever that looks like for you. Jason and I hiked every day that he felt like he could, it kept us connected & was paramount to his mental fight.
-For the love of your hips and all that is sacred keep dancing, if you can.
-Stay creative, whatever that is for you. In the hours that require resiliency having a space to etch the pain may be the only relief you get when there is no soft place to land.
-If someone is going through a hard time, there is an illness, sickness or death reach out. Tell people you are thinking of them, praying for them and just say, “I thought of you today!” These messages kept us focussed and feeling loved. If you are ever going through something please tell me. I want to support you. I will text. This has been one of the beautiful lessons from the hard vestige that this year was.
We are all changed. Not necessarily for the better or the worse, we are just different. To say goodbye to my last birth year I am acknowledging some deeper developments in how I choose to live & love!
-I am done with false positivity. I think I always was, but I seem to have grown my skill in the seeking of truth. Engaging in conversations no matter how beautiful or hard is where I am willing to be, meet me here. I would love a pet unicorn but it would be properly house trained and there will be no shitting rainbows in my house anymore. This does not mean I do not focus on the possible, dream of the impossible and choose to stand in the light. It means we need to be honest, tell the truth and sit in that. Once we acknowledge what is true then we can move to strategy & creation … but we honour truth first.
–My boundary game is in on point! Not everyone is meant for me and I’m not meant for them. We all won’t be friends and we don’t need to get along. Be respectful, be kind, if you need to say “fuck off” and go your own way, then do it. Do not cause trouble, create drama or fuck with people but also stay away from the people that cause you fuckery in any way, shape or form.
–You may have to let some of your mentors and teachers go. You may find a new rhythm that is not suited to the space that they occupy. You may wake up and decide that you completely disagree. Maybe you start to think for yourself and can no longer blindly follow. They may do something that is completely out of alignment with your system. Let go, move on and reach for your own hand. You no longer need to buy the problem they sold you that only they could solve. Maybe you know that you can take the next step without them holding your hand.
–Admiration is a trickster, it blinds you to the truth of others when the evidence is staring you right in the face & whispering in your ear. Humans are human, they do not deserve our projection of specialness beyond their acts of beauty and humanity. People are rarely who we think they are, most are so much more than we can fathom. Many are on paths that we are not meant to tread. If you follow you will see sights not meant for your eyes that will present lessons you may not be equipped to manage. Never be star struck again by anything other than the night sky.
-You can give things to people, help them find their way, sponsor them, do the hard work with them, they can appear to be your friend & part of your people. Suddenly something new, bright and shiny will pass by and they will be gone to chase its glow. Be so blessed by this, realize how much giving may have been exhausting. Clarity is so beautiful and the space left by their absence can be filled with fresh opportunities.
-We have never been more informed and still not known the whole story. We have so much information on the same topic of contradictory viewpoints, from seemingly credible sources at our fingertips in a moments google. Knowing what it actually true seems “impossible”. I have not managed many solutions here other than to stay informed, question everything and continue to have a willingness to debate in spite of the fact that it may offend.
-Humans are seeming to behave stupidly in this span of time (this is all the generations, screw the labels we are all capable of being selfish idiots)… I.e. self-obsession edited selfies daily, (look how I look today, oh the same, maybe even more .. pretty), fear of missing out (on shit that may or may not have actually happened)… I.e… look at so and so on that amazing trip they couldn’t afford and claimed bankruptcy right after… Seriously…“Live your own life and stop watching everyone else.” I have never been more clear in my life on this than after this year. Social media is the most deceptive tool we have ever willingly used against ourselves in history.
In closing this year’s reflection I declare my integrity is intact with everything I espouse in the creation of my practice, art, writing & life. My sovereignty has my fullest commitment. I have no desire to be further witness to my egos need to be in reaction to what is not actually in conflict or threatening me. I will not do emotional labour or spend time in conversation that is beneath my highest truth. I will stand vigil for anyone that is taking a stand to know themselves more and come on this journey with me. My body will move curiously with the rhythm of the new adventures that I will delight in.
