Creativity & Touching Essence

I’ve been quiet for a while. I have been introverting hard. (photos at bottom, show the result)

These past months have found me seeking solace, creativity and space to feel into new landscapes of my own essence. When life says “go deeper”, it helps to find a ‘medium’ to assist in the process. In the past I have used shamans, spirit medicines, yoga, nature, play and the list goes on. Thus, I found myself on several occasions in front of a canvas, at art supply shops and craving the trance that goes ‘inside’ when the brush is in my hand. The medium for the “shamaning” that came was in the form of messy products called ‘mediums’ (isn’t that funny, pun totally intended) and the way my hands were moved to mould, paste and adhere them to the blankness in front of me. It has felt like freedom, trance work and a meditative practice that shows me lifetimes within my soul. What I have found most beautiful is the teaching in presence and non-attachment. The non-attachment to the outcome being created has been a visually vivid experience. Witnessing how unattached I am with what will appear on the canvas, to who the work belongs to, my ability to give it away without hesitation, enjoying them while they are coming out of me, while they are in my home and feeling even more joy to see them with the friends & family that have said, “that one is mine”. I love it when that happens. I know they are for someone, but rarely until they are finished. With some, I have sensed a certain ‘essence’ in the process and as soon as the owner comes forward I think, “of course, it’s for you, you’re within all of it”. I become whelmed with gratitude of the possibility of playing for a second within the essence of another being. All of the pieces contain the seeds of learning. I am constantly humbly reminded that “I am always a student and I know nothing”.

With all that is happening in the world, my little basement studio is a safe place to regulate my nervous system to attune to a vibration that is free yet grounded. It’s different than my nature walks, a unique voice comes through… a voice that is familiar with a new tone. It tells me to listen with my soul, if my ego enters the room, it all goes to shit, really fast. It requires a stillness, like yoga, but a different kind of flexibility and relationship with myself.

Here are answers to the questions that you have been messaging me when I’ve been posting the work…note…there are some deep life lessons here to ponder if you wish to be in witness to my process & can humour me with a few more seconds of reading.

What is next with this? I have no idea and don’t want to know.

So, do you think you are an artist now? (sensing some snark) “We are what we do”, right now I find myself in a studio creating and this is where I choose to find some parts of myself. I don’t feel like labelling it, attaching to it or defining it, this may be a short trip or a long ride. I am surrendered to going to the canvas when it calls me and seeing what truth and feeling it wants to pull forward.

Is this your career now? No, this is a form of presence, meditation and trance for ‘me’. I enjoy what I find and what evades me while in the process of whatever this is. I would honestly prefer to not label or define it. I am committed to being in creativity and allowing it to speak to me.  I am willing to go into the studio when the muse calls me & time allows but there is no habit or force to any of this. 

When & where will you have a show? A gallery? Honestly, I am not in thought around any of this, at this point. I know how fast I can manifest, so I am cautious to what I conjure and my capacity to handle it. Right now, I want this to be without a goal and to have absolutely no lust for an outcome (I know that is hard to grasp coming from a strategist and I am confusing a whole lot of you). Some of you are feeling me though and you sense the truth inside what I am saying and the sanctity of being without any desire other than that which is currently in being. 

How is ‘art’ influencing your spiritual intuitive and alchemical work? My favourite question…This kind of creating is just a new form of listening. It is similar to my hiking meditation, nature communication and trance work. The canvas is the tree and she can guide me when I get out of the way. This is ultimately just another tool to vividly & visually teach what I have always channelled through my other practices: presence, touching your essence, learning to listen, non-attachment to an outcome, letting go of expectation, leaning into pleasure, feeling feminine in my body through a process and allowing the full range of emotions to exist and be felt. Simple concepts that are not so simple in practice.

Will you be teaching or coaching on this? Absolutely Not.. this is sacred space, this is me being alone, meeting myself & learning more truth about who I am. We always do fun, crafty, sometimes painting or other activities at my retreats, but that is just another medium to bring forth the knowing & understanding of how to live in this world and share those concepts with the coven that gathers. I am not an art teacher by any means ‘at all’ nor do I desire to be!

So, there you have it, a small update into a big life. The invitation is to stay tuned, to what is a fabulous experience in what I see as “discovery”. I dislike the word or label of ‘hobby’. But…maybe it is what fits here. Let me know if one of the pieces I channel is speaking of your essence & maybe it is yours. Better yet,
What act would find you in the process of creative presence?
What would swoon you into losing yourself for an hour or five?
What is begging you to show it some presence?
What would allow you to sink into your essence and maybe even reconnect with your own sovereignty?
Becoming willing, see what curiosity has to say to you, just attempt and let go… trust yourself… and allow it to be what it wants to be.

I would like to pay homage a few of my mentors, teachers and masters of their craft that I have admired and bought work from. I’ve also had the privilege to spend time in their studios, homes and retreats to learn techniques and feel into my own artistry. There is a “magik” to artistry. I believe that it is a form of connection and we seem to be able to download into each other through this “medium”. The women below have captured what I feel are pieces of me (all of us) in their work. This is art, seeing yourself in a piece of work, created by another… at least that is how it feels for me.

Homage to the teachers that still sit by my side and those that have abandoned me on this artistic tour of self knowing. I appreciate everyone that initated me into techniques, those that came before, shared their knowldege on Youtube, in workshops and retreats. There is beauty and grace in allowing our students to stand on our shoulders and hone their craft. We can either be in pride or conflict in witness to their work. My hope is that we always choose to see the beauty and abundance that the world offers when we are in contribution & callaboartion with one another.

My first & forever mentor… Norma Langedahl… My mother. I was a hyper child, getting me to settle was not easy. Every so often my mother would put some kind of creative work in front of me. Some were great, I engaged, created & completed a project. Others (macrame bridle & knitting) were complete non-starters, failures & created conflict. She never stopped buying me gifts to encourage my creativity no matter my protests or calling crafting ‘crapping’. My mother picked up paint & a canvas in her 50’s, she told me I may find my way to it as well. I am so grateful for her patience, perseverance and willingness to attempt new things. She is my biggest fan in all things. We have very different styles, she is detailed and specific, I want a mess and cannot comprehend the contrived. So we watch each other in awe.

Irma Soltonovich… is a dear family friend that put a brush back in my hand. She invited me over for a tea with my daughter and said: “just paint”… She has always encouraged & inspired me through her work & words. My husband purchased one of our first original pieces in our home from her. She literally painted my very first Arabian mare in spite of never having seen a photo of her. My beautiful husband just asked her to ‘paint a horse’, instead, she conjured a memory. That is the kind of magic I am talking about. You can find Irma here http://www.soltonovich.com/